Dealing with Difficult People--extra seminar activity for university students

This seminar was initiated and aimed to help students with their lives after graduation, particularly to be aware of behaviors, what kind of people they are, and learn the "soft skills" through the teaching of Buddha . After spending and teaching them for three months, I found that they did not have any aim in their lives and did not know what to expect and how to deal with lives and negotiation at work. Thus, I kindly invited Dr. Janya Pookkayaporn, an expert in coaching and how to deal with difficult people, to give a special lecture on the topic of "How to Deal with Life and Negotiation after Graduation in the Midst of Economic Crisis"

Topics of discussion:
-Happiness at work
-Not Friendly Behaviors
-Dealing with Difficult People

What Gandhi can teach you about happiness at work?
So many of Gandhi’s teachings and life stories can be applied to our own lives and can help us find meaning and strength. Gandhi endured a lot of hardships and if we study those hardships we can derive the same truth from them that he did.

1. Making mistakes
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” - Gandhi
2. Understanding
“Hate the sin, love the sinner.” - Gandhi
3. Arrogance
“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.” – Gandhi
4. Forgiveness
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Gandhi
5. Becoming a leader
“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” - Gandhi
6. Grudges
“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” – Gandhi
7. Being truthful
“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” - Gandhi
8. Peace at work
“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” - Gandhi

กัลยาณมิตรธรรม 7 ประการ

-ปิโย = น่ารัก มิตรที่ชวนให้อยากไปปรึกษา มีความสบายใจเมื่ออยู่ใกล้
-ครุ = น่าเคารพ มิตรที่ประพฤติดี ประพฤติชอบ
-ภาวนีโย = น่าเจริญ น่ายกย่อง มิตรที่มีภูมิปัญญาแท้จริง เป็นผู้ปรับปรุงตนเองเสมอ ควรเอาอย่าง
-วตตา จ = รู้จักพูดให้ได้ผล รู้จักชี้แจงให้เข้าใจ รู้ว่าเมื่อไหร่ควรพูดอะไร และอย่างไร
-วจนกขโม = อดทนต่อถ้อยคำ มิตรที่อดทน ไม่ฉุนเฉียว ไม่นินทา ไม่วิจารณ์
-คมภีรจ กถ กตตา = อธิบายเรื่องที่ล้ำลึกได้ มิตรที่ทำให้เราเข้าใจเรื่องที่ยุ่งยากซับซ้อน
-โน จฎฐาเน นิโยชเย = ไม่ชักนำในอฐาน มิตรที่ไม่แนะนำเรื่องเหลวไหล หรือชักจูงไป ในทางเสื่อมเสีย

Not Friendly Behaviors:
-Warrior--Knows only one way to solve problems: by yelling and being aggressive.
-Unloader--Anger on a safe source. Might be angry at something else but vents anger on the person being talked to at the moment.
-Guiltmaker
-Child--Throws tantrums: yells.
-Blamer--Interested in finding fault than solving the problem. Most likely to ask to speak to a supervisor after the the problem was solved.
-Survivalist--Scared of what will happened if the problem isn’t solved. May whine and have difficulty shifting into a problem solving modes
-Parent--Patronizes, talks down to others. And uses insults. May use sarcasm.
-Pretender--Pretends not to be upset but will most likely tell friends about the university’s badservice.
-Gunny Sacker--Scared of what will happened if the problem isn’t solved. May whine and have difficulty shifting into a problem solving modes

Dealing with Difficult People:
1. Tank--Don’t counterattack or offer excuses, let them vent, hold your ground, demand respect.
2. Sniper--Call them on their sarcasm and have them explain what was really behind their comment; be honest and tell them their comment was rude and unkind
3. Grenade--Don’t show anger, let them vent, tell them you take their concerns seriously, give them a chance to cool down.
4. Whiner--Listen but don’t get drawn into their complaining; focus them on specific solutions; shift to problem-solving mode.
5. No Person --Don’t rush them or try to persuade them they are wrong; acknowledge their concerns and input.
6. Know-it-All--Acknowledge their expertise and competence, make your statements appear as if they are in agreement
7. Think-They know-It-All--Give them attention; be patient; don’t embarrass them.
8. Nothing Person--Try to draw them out; ask them specific questions without making them fell they are being attacked
9. Yes Person-- Encourage the person to be honest; make it safe for them to say no.
10. May be person--Help them learn decision-making skills; reassure them about the decisions they make; let them know it’s OK to take risks.

Feedback from students after the seminar:

"I got the knowledge about how to negotiate with other people. Somebody hard somebody easy to negotiate. I got ideas from example when Dr. Chanya said. I can solved the problem from my colleagues when I work in the future. I knew and remember about the moral of how to be a good friend. In the future in can face with other problems"-- Saowakhon Rattanarat

"I got many methods to behave or control myself follow the right way and hae learnt how to behave and stay with other in workplace or social life. When we have problems in workplace. The siminar gave me the ways or solutions to figure it out."--Suriyaporn Pariyat

Teachers are like signposts...

The Buddhas do but tell the way, it is for you to labor at the task.
– The Buddha


Eknath's thought on the Buddha's statement,

Spiritual teachers are like signposts pointing the way to immortality, but it is we who must make the journey. This is quite reasonable. After all, when we pass a signpost on the freeway, we don’t expect it to get into the driver’s seat and do the driving while we lie down in the back to take a nap. On the first half of the spiritual journey, we cannot expect other people to pick us up and carry us along. It is up to us to meditate regularly, and practice the allied disciplines.

Sri Ramakrishna says that the first part of the trip is the “way of the monkey.” The little baby monkey has to hold on for dear life while his mother swings from tree to tree. If the little one loses his grip, he’ll fall and hurt himself. But the second half is the “way of the cat.” The little kitten just sits there on the road looking cute and helpless, saying, “mew, mew, mew,” and the mother cat picks it up by the scruff of its neck and takes it to safety. It is only on the second half of the journey that we are carried by a power higher than ourselves.